There are intangible rewards, too. Attention from the coach can make the athlete feel special, even superior, which boosts their self-esteem and confidence. Abusers nurture those feelings to deepen and test the bond. They may set private meetings or give small gifts, then ask the athlete not to tell anyone “so the others don't feel jealous.” Or they may give the minor certain freedoms they may not have access to, such as access to drugs or alcohol.
Abusers can groom families as well. The coach is the ultimate authority inside the unquestioned “trust network” of a training program. Athletes don’t want to disappoint their coaches or their families, many of which have invested a great deal of time, money and resources to support their talented child. And parents often rely on and defer to the coach’s expertise. When the abuser holds “celebrity status” in the community, people may even defend their behavior—in spite of reports of abuse.
As the grooming progresses, the abuser will gradually push the physical boundaries of the relationship, an area complicated by the physical nature of sport. It’s not uncommon for a coach to make a physical correction on an athlete. An abuser will leverage that contact as a “cover” for their actions—it may start with an accidental “excuse me” touch then progress into increasingly more familiar touching, such as hugs or shoulder rubbing. "The trap" is often inappropriate touching and withdrawal: It's “Sorry! I couldn’t help myself” followed by “You didn’t mind last time.”
Sorry! I couldn’t help myself.
You didn’t mind last time.
At this stage, the abuser might start exercising their control over the athlete or attempt to cut them off from their support networks, creating a sense of isolation and reliance. They may attempt to entrap the athlete through previous sexual incidents or create feelings of obligations for repayment of gifts or opportunities. Or they may invoke guilt (You owe me), offer protection (It’s our little secret) or even make threats. All of these tools are used to ensure secrecy.