We know that “of all the types of abuse in sports, grooming is a form of abuse that can be one of the most difficult to pinpoint, and it often overlaps with other forms of misconduct. Grooming can be hard to flag, as it is ‘harmful behavior made to look like helpful behavior.’
Dynamics in sports condition the athlete, family, friends, teammates, other staff, federations, and organizations to feel that grooming behaviors are natural and normalized. Thus, grooming can hide in plain sight. These aspects of grooming in sports can lead to extra confusion for ourselves and one another when the truth and facts of abuse and misconduct come to the surface.”
One tool that predators use in the grooming process to achieve a position of trust with an athlete is various means of digital communication. Digital communication encompasses interaction on platforms such as iMessage, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, WhatsApp, X, or any other platform that allows for one-on-one interaction with another individual. These platforms can provide a coach who has nefarious intentions with a direct line of communication to a young athlete.
In the athletic world, some digital communication with your coach may include arranging practice times, discussing upcoming or past competitions, sharing resources, and reviewing training plans. While digitally messaging your coach provides a convenient way to communicate, it is important to be aware of the content and manner of these discussions.
Many parents, adults, and children have grown up knowing of the dangers of the internet and online communication with strangers. These concerns are often rooted in fear of online predators who may hide behind false or anonymous identities to access youth on the internet. We have stereotypes of what this could look like. What we may be less aware of is how predators already connected to minors in real life will also leverage the internet and other digital platforms in their grooming tactics. These predators are a far more significant threat than you may think, as 90% of child sexual abuse victims know their abuser, which stands contrary to the “stranger danger” mentality many of us were raised with.
Predators use the internet as another medium to groom children they communicate with, building “friendships” with them. When predators have uninterrupted and unobservable access, boundaries get blurred, creating an environment ripe for abuse and misconduct to proceed. Without intervention or monitoring, this can turn into sharing and/or soliciting sexually explicit messages, images, and videos. Even more dangerously, these predators may coerce a minor to meet up in person, which can pose life-threatening risks and harm to their well-being.
Digital communication can play just as much of a role in the in-person grooming process, particularly within the athletic world. Because it is seen as more “normal” to message your coaches than in other scenarios, predators in this space can go undetected longer and more effectively. Communication on these platforms can be used by groomers to gain trust, endear themselves to the athlete, create emotional dependency, secrecy, and isolate the athlete.
Because of the nature of the coach-athlete relationship, the lines can become blurry regarding acceptable versus unacceptable forms of communication with your coach. Unlike other scenarios where a predator would be suspect for sending you texts, private messages, or connecting on social media, it may feel more “okay” with your coach.
We put coaches in a different box given the aspects of sport, but that doesn’t mean their behavior should be unregulated. To put this into perspective, think of other kinds of teachers in your life. It’d be weird if your high school math teacher texted one of their students or requested to follow their Instagram. So why don’t we feel more concerned about our coaches, simply another type of teacher?
Simply sending a text message about what time you can practice, or to say you’re running late, can’t be that bad, right? However, like other methods in the grooming process, the transition from appropriate behavior in the digital space to inappropriate behavior is often an intentionally slow, nearly undetectable transition. Thus, you might not even notice it initially.
Additionally, there are many elements of young individuals’ use of these platforms that can give way to the digital grooming process. First, younger people nowadays are very comfortable using these platforms 24/7 and communicating with friends at all hours of the day and night. Thus, having communication with their coach at any frequency, at any time of day, may not raise immediate red flags. Second, minors and teens are much more comfortable sharing openly on the internet and these platforms, as a result of the “oversharing” culture. Third, they may be more willing to discuss “weird” or “taboo” topics through these digital platforms than in real life behind the protection of their phone or laptop screen. Finally, especially when the athlete is a teenager, their use of these platforms goes unsupervised, thus giving the coach close and private access.
Overall, digital communication is an under-emphasized tool that predators in real life utilize to gain closer, more direct, 24/7 access to young athletes that they want to victimize. Because communication, to some extent, is necessary as an athlete, it is often challenging to see where the boundaries become blurred and where communication becomes inappropriate.
Recently…
- A Milwaukee high school teacher has been charged with four counts of sexual misconduct with student athletes. It is reported that, among other concerning acts, she would send the students explicit text messages and pressure them to share their phone locations.
- A football coach in Texas was recently arrested on a charge of continuous sexual abuse of a young child. The victim has reported that the accused would communicate with them on Facebook Messenger, soliciting sexual photos and acts through the platform.
- A high school soccer coach in Massachusetts was recently arrested for sending explicit messages to underage boys.
- A figure skating coach in Canada was sentenced to six years in prison after engaging in sexual relationships with minors. Part of the evidence brought in his case included sexually explicit Snapchat messages.
- A high school teacher and coach in Phoenix, Arizona, was taken into custody for various sex crimes against children. These crimes included sending nude photographs of himself to a minor student online and using social media to record his acts of sexual assault on the school’s campus.
You may be thinking, “I have a great relationship with my coach/my child’s coach/my students, and I know what is appropriate. Why should I care about this?”
Of course, there are some types of messages that are blatantly and obviously inappropriate. If you’re a parent supervising your children’s activity, you will immediately be able to recognize many of them. However, we want to emphasize that grooming via digital communication doesn’t just refer to sexually explicit messages, images, or videos.
Digital grooming can be thought of as a “sleeper tactic” – it operates and progresses at an often undetectable rate and manner. Through incredibly slow progression from appropriate conversation to inappropriate conversation, predators can reinforce the narrative that this communication is “normal” to a young athlete.
Example progression of topics:
- Asking about practice times
- Broader conversation about their sport
- Asking an athlete about school/friends
- Asking an athlete about their personal struggles and relationships
- Asking an athlete about romantic relationships and sexual encounters
This progression or stages of grooming is seen again and again. For an example, read Jennifer’s story showing how this transpired for a young athlete involved in equestrian sport.
Remember that no matter how trustworthy and great your coach may seem, anyone can perpetrate abuse, even the most unsuspecting and well-regarded person.
Guidelines/Best Practices:
To stop and spot this behavior before it escalates, parents, athletes, coaches, and organizations should have clear codes of conduct, policies and standards outlining healthy communication. The following guidelines are in line with prevention best practices.
How should these interactions look?
- Texts (Messages, Images exchanged):
- Any messages exchanged between a student and a coach should strictly remain focused on the sport. This includes any texts, photos, or videos exchanged between the athlete and coach.
- If the athlete is a minor, have a parent or other individual in a chat to ensure messages are observable.
- Alternatively, digital communication can be just between coaches and parents to schedule practices, discuss upcoming events, and discuss the athlete’s progress.
- Social Media:
- Coaches do not need to be following or friending their underage athletes for any reason. This brings no sporting benefit, and although this may seem harmless, social media interaction is one way that important boundaries for keeping athletes safe can become blurred. Such blurring of coach-athlete boundaries opens the door to misconduct.
- Content
- Topics between a coach and athlete should remain related to sport.
- Topics in this realm could include scheduling practice times, discussing competition details, reviewing competition performance, and workout schedules and routines.
- Content should be communicated during appropriate hours.
- Topics between a coach and athlete should remain related to sport.
How should these interactions feel?
- Conversations between an athlete and a coach should not only look appropriate, but they should also feel comfortable for both parties.
- Despite what many children are taught, it can be key to trust your intuition and instinct in these manners. Even a text with the simplest of meanings could have nefarious intentions. Therefore, we encourage all parties to trust their intuition. If a text or communication feels off, it probably is!
- One way to gut-check a message that might make you uncomfortable is to ask yourself a simple question: What would a third party think if they read the text? Would someone else reading the conversation find it inappropriate? If the answer is yes, it may be time to take action.
What to avoid in digital communication between athletes and coaches?
- Constant communication or communicating at all hours of the day.
- Discussing personal matters/romantic relationships/non-sport related topics.
- Sharing photos or videos depicting sexually explicit content.
- Sharing information about sexual activity (likes, dislikes, habits, intimate relationships).
For coaches:
It is important that you understand that following these guidelines not only protects sport culture, but also protects you and your reputation. Maintaining appropriate communication with athletes can protect you from misinterpretation and from risking false accusations borne from misunderstandings.
Athletes may reach out to you for personal support, especially if they lack other trusted adults at home. This may be challenging, and you may want to help, especially if you care for your student. However, if this happens, it is best to validate their feelings and then connect them to a more appropriate resource for help.
Although you may want to help, this is not your job as a coach or in your scope, and the best support you can provide for your student is to connect them to someone qualified to help them.
For athletes:
As an athlete, you may be subject to power imbalances in your relationship with a coach that could make it intimidating or stressful to ask for help when you feel uncomfortable. One of the most important things you can do is trust your instinct when you feel something is off.
What do you do when you get a weird text or feeling?
First, trust your intuition. Don’t ignore your own feelings. Oftentimes, these feelings can be the most accurate and alert us when we may otherwise be manipulated to not see the truth of the circumstances. Advocate for yourself. Find a safe adult to talk to and consider different resources for reporting.
Although you may not want to think about this, it may be important later on to have copies or evidence of any inappropriate messages/photos/videos you were sent. If you can, take a screenshot or have someone else take a photo of your phone screen. Proof of these messages could be important evidence for you at a later time if you choose to report. Even if you are unsure about taking action at the moment misconduct occurs, try your best to preserve evidence, just in case.
Check in with your friends and teammates. Maybe nothing has occurred involving you yet, but you’re having a weird feeling about something a teammate may be experiencing. If you’re worried, it’s okay to ask your friend if everything is okay and if they need support. Additionally, it is equally okay to ask your friends and teammates for support when you are ready.
For general guidance on what types of conduct are appropriate between you and your coach, consult the Coach Athlete Relationship Dynamics Diagrams to check if the communication or behaviors you may be experiencing or observing fall in line with healthy or unhealthy practices. You can refer to our Coach Athlete Pledge and SafeSport’s Minor Athlete Abuse Prevention Policies (MAAPP) for additional examples on best practices regarding communication between athletes and coaches.
For parents:
You can play a huge, if not the most significant role, in keeping athletes safe. You don’t have to wait for something to happen to become involved. One simple way you can protect your children is by advocating for a team-wide online communication policy. This way everyone will have set standards of behavior for protecting everyone involved.
Have conversations with your child about what types of communication with their coach are appropriate and what types they should come to you about. Let them know that they can come to you or another identified safe adult if they receive weird or uncomfortable messages. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to your child’s coach about the group dynamics, protocol, and what types of communication are and are not allowed. Remain vigilant about protecting your child, supervising their online activity, and don’t hesitate to be involved.
For guidance on how to talk to your children about these complex topics, check out Thorn for Parents. This source provides discussion guides and conversation starters for youth of all ages.
Digital communication is just one of the many ways that predators can gain closer access to athletes. Remaining aware and vigilant of this danger is one way we can not only protect athletes from harm, but also the sport environment as a whole.
At #WeRideTogether, we remain committed to empowering athletes, educating parents and coaches, and providing tools to promote healthy and safe sport.
For other resources on the grooming process and keeping the athletic environment safe, please refer to our Grooming Series and our piece on Safeguarding.
Ella Johannes
Intern at #WeRideTogether
